How it can feel
Mar. 23rd, 2024 07:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lizdamnitSometimes on the weekends, I indulge in what I call "zone out" time. I think it's popular to call it bed rotting these days but....ew....I will set a timer for like 2 hrs and just watch youtube/instagram shorts or something. Sometimes I'll doze, sometimes I won't. But it's time not spent in Driving Posture* so I allow it. It's also time spent without any demands on my attention. The dogs cuddle up with me, I'm entertained, I'm comfortable. It's great. This is a great improvement on ages ago, during the Bad Day Job, when I really would rot on the weekends or go nuts and try to clean the whole place, lest I feel like a failure. Nowadays, I'm happier and I can make choices about how I zone out or do not. So I treasure those times. The zoning out is not the healthiest thing, but I like to think I've portion-controlled it.
When I'm done, I'm done and eager to do something. This could be something creative or something like housework. But I'm happy and motivated and ready to concentrate on something. This is inevitably when one of the housepets starts nonsense. I dote on them, I love them, I tend to them. But they get very excited/nervous when I'm up and moving and doing things or when I'm absorbed in something. Our timing does not match up. I'm worried that I've made them too anxious from the past and they interpret any activity on my part as "red alert".
I wish I could talk with them, I really do. I just got really frustrated at one of them for getting into some mischief while I was trying to work on something and I feel bad. But I also reserve the right to be frustrated. My entire job is one where I have to address all problems that come to me as they come to me. There is no concentration - I've gotten very good at concentration sprints and I can beat up an assignment pretty well but 40 hours of back to back meetings (that sure would be great as emails), drama and conflamma, and actual emerging issues takes a toll on me. I need to come home and not be highly organized and efficient. I need to work on my various little projects for a creative outlet.
Mehh.
*I have a long-long ass commute and a desk job. Sitting at a 90 degree angle has a time limit. I try to be either up and moving as much as I can or just stretched out.
When I'm done, I'm done and eager to do something. This could be something creative or something like housework. But I'm happy and motivated and ready to concentrate on something. This is inevitably when one of the housepets starts nonsense. I dote on them, I love them, I tend to them. But they get very excited/nervous when I'm up and moving and doing things or when I'm absorbed in something. Our timing does not match up. I'm worried that I've made them too anxious from the past and they interpret any activity on my part as "red alert".
I wish I could talk with them, I really do. I just got really frustrated at one of them for getting into some mischief while I was trying to work on something and I feel bad. But I also reserve the right to be frustrated. My entire job is one where I have to address all problems that come to me as they come to me. There is no concentration - I've gotten very good at concentration sprints and I can beat up an assignment pretty well but 40 hours of back to back meetings (that sure would be great as emails), drama and conflamma, and actual emerging issues takes a toll on me. I need to come home and not be highly organized and efficient. I need to work on my various little projects for a creative outlet.
Mehh.
*I have a long-long ass commute and a desk job. Sitting at a 90 degree angle has a time limit. I try to be either up and moving as much as I can or just stretched out.
