I need to just stay here.

Warning, I am feeling very pessimistic.

I used to love writing, but there is literally no place for long-form anymore. We do not read blogs, we do not visit people's websites, we do not read newsletters. I want to get my hand back in, I have ideas/outlines/etc. for essays, but what the hell do I do with them?  I guess I should just stick stuff here and hope people click my links?

It doesn't help at all that social media is a literal mental health hazard lately. I would love to write a thing, even a serious thing, and share it on bluesky or something, but I cannot take quintuple identical reposts of the same exhortations to be enraged at American fascists. I am enraged. But I can't say in that or I will burn out.

Part of this is that I'm probably autistic AF which makes socializing already very very hard. I hang back, I observe, I learn the rules, and I follow them. I log into Bluesky for instance and it's just a torrent of justified anger and ragebait. I read the room and go, "you know, maybe I should not". Sometimes I override this and post little drabbles of ideas, but those get lost in the sauce. The only thing that seems to get any engagement is salty political observations, which I do enjoy but good god. 

I got the idea to do a newsletter but swiftly threw that away. Everything is so overwhelming: subscriptions, engagement metrics, drops. Jesus Christ, I just want to share something long form and maybe talk about it. Patreon broke me with "schedule drops for your fans!". I tanked the entire idea right then and there. If I was doing this for work, this would be a different story, if I was making one to help a friend it would also be a different story. I'm just looking to blog and have that blog automatically email updates to people that want it. If for some reason those people want to pay me too, I won't say no, but I have neither the energy nor the self esteem to make myself an entire production company.

Guess I'm staying here for the forseeable future!

(Delayed post) Beltane Eve 2025 – Talking to the Horned one!

Ed note: There's not much mention of the Horned one here, which is because Cernunnos is my
principal god! I often use Greenman symbolism for him as well, so he's just kind of baked into this.
You will want to adjust to suit your pantheon and tastes.

( Read more... )

• Salt

• Oils: myrrh, oakmoss, Power of the Witch (tm)
• Rough Sand and Shells
• Mini mixing bowl/spoon
• a place to put the mix after (I use loose leaf tea bags)
 

Prep:
 

• Clear off and wash the tabletop (I used warm water, Fabuloso, and a clean rag)
• Laid out supplies (whatever way is catproof)
• Considered what I wanted to Work on. Nothing will be given for free – what are you
willing/able to release in order for your Work to happen? (consider this well before starting the
entire ritual, please)
• Showered, got into loose comfy clothing, put on ritual jewelry
◦ While in the shower, I worked on a Beltane chant with a simple 4-count rhythm: “Beltane's
upon us/Green and golden glow/Horned one, Beloved one/Let your blessings flow....”
 

My layout:

My kitchen table is right under my main altar, narrow end facing the wall, so I laid out a “shotgun” altar.
In a straight line, I laid out the following in this order:

• Goddess candle (farthest back from me)
• Basket of apples, salt pig
• God candle, greenman plaque
• Athame, Oils/fixins, my mixing bowl, my wand, my ritual ring
• Me, holding drum
 

Opening:
 

• I stood before the table, chanting, drumming, swaying for a few minutes. As long as
necessary.
• I lit the goddess candle, addressing the Lady, declaring that all of this starts from her, it ends
in her, and begins again in her.
◦ Loudly proclaim your goddesses! Praise them, thank them, invite them to stay! Let them
know that they are always welcome even though your focus is on the gods tonight.
• I lit the god candle from the goddess candle, addressing the Lord, declaring that we are here
to praise him in this season where his spirit rises, where we celebrate the sacred masculine.
◦ I let the Greenman candle off the god candle
• Drum and chanted more as needed – don't forget to move your body! It's Walpurgisnacht, you
should cavort.
• Sprayed athame with Beltane spray, sprinkled it with salt, lifted it towards the East, greeted
the guardians, following suit with the other directions (hopefully I went clockwise/deosil)
• Keeping the athame lifted, turned towards the ancestor altar, greeted them, greeted the
forefathers by name, asking for their guard and guidance
• Lifted the athame to the god side of the altar (left for me), calling my gods by name, lovingly,
inviting them into the circle
 

Working:

◦ When the circle is ready, rest for a moment, enjoying the presence of the gods, guardians,
and ancestors. Enjoy this space, this time
◦ What you need to do, then do. I will not list my actual working in here for the sake of
privacy, but I will say that these are not demands but requests. Nothing will be given for
free – what are you willing/able to release in order for your Work to happen? (consider this
well before starting the entire ritual, please)
◦ I took the wand, sprayed and salted it as I did with the athame. I held it upright starting by
my root chakra, then glided up towards the rest, ending at my crown. I acknowledged the
symbolism of the wand, thinking of how it concentrates and directs energy. Ask the lord to
help direct that energy, from the ground, through your body, through your mind. I did this
three times to build energy and then “fire” it off for me working, ending with the wand
held high over my head.
◦ To support this working, I had to do the mixin' and the fixin' next:
▪ rough sand, small stones, shell bits into the bowl
▪ a few drops of each oil
▪ stir rapidly deosil 13 times – breathe in the scent, this is the summer, the forest, the
sea, this is the beloved, the father, the son
▪ I lifted that little bowl high and dedicated the gods, asking that this serve as a
reminder of the Work, and something to anoint with later
▪ at this point, I did the same with my ring, asking for blessing on it. It's now stored with
my tools, to be used only at rituals.
 

Closing:

 

• Thank your gods, your guardians, your ancestors. Feel that connection with your gods and
ancestors glowing. Keep that.
• Lift the athame again, and undo the circle, starting with the gods, then reverse the directions
with the guardians (widdershins now!), then the ancestors
• As you go, thank everyone for their presence, blessings, and companionship. Don't forged the
“stay if you will, leave if you must...” charm!
• Earth the remaining energy as you will. The circle is open, so you can get a snack and some
water as needed. Enjoy the candlelight for as long as you can, since this is a tiny bonfire. Clean
up everything and put it away. Put your mixins' into a container that will keep them safe.
• When you're ready, snuff out the Greenman candle, the gods', and finally the goddesses'.
And above all, Blessed Be <3